Richard Madely and Judy Finigan

You are tabloid TV Hacks, that`s all you are. Maybe you should take some lessons in objectivity when interviewing a contentious issue; the Louise Woodward debacle springs to mind; to see you and your malevolent wife entertain all the supporters of Ms Woodward in the studio was frankly a sick spectacle. Objective coverage - no, never on This Morning!

I feel the world would be a much better place without these two patronising, self serving agents of evil, clogging up the airways with their own little brand of family values and nauseating double standards that are trotted out day-in day-out, to those meek sheep who just sit there unchallenged by the utter cobblers streaming forth from the cathode ray nipple that they must suck upon for their fix of what is supposed to be `good` and `right`.

Having the traumatic life I do, I often witness his wayward actions through visiting my TV-obsessed friend in the mornings, and cannot help but ask myself how on earth anyone would ever convieve asking this man for hair styling techniques, let alone offer him a long running television contract with a enormous pay cheque at the end of each month.

Every time I look at him I am filled with anger and detest! He is a simpleton! His questions rarely relate to the topic in question and even though the guests give him odd looks he never notices the shit he is talking! He finds himself extremely funny, everytime he cracks a joke (nine times out of ten irrelevant) he is the only one to laugh, although occasionally Judy (god bless the cursed woman) puts on a very short faked laugh. And yet, after years, he hasn't realised that in daytime TV there is no place for humour about as funny as an aids victim breaking into your house and spitting in your mouth whilst you are asleep! The other thing (amongst many) which winds me up is when Judy (poor Judy why did you say yes at the altar, you silly girl) asks a half decent question, once a response is gained, he steals it from under her and continues the rest of the interview as if he was the one who asked it, taking all the credit for something as good as he could only dream of on his d!eath bed, whist having a moment of divine clarity, exercised by God!

I really could carry on all night, but I must stop, most of you have moved onto the next shallow-grave celebrity by now, but those of you who have stuck with me will agree that Richard Madely needs a long and excrutiating death, fit for the satanic monster that he is!

'You get racially abused? That's unbelievable. When I was a journalist in the 70's, racism occurred and I just thought that it was a passing phase.'

HELLO? You stupid cunt.
Racism exists everywhere and all the time, not just in 'phases'. What planet does this guy live on? It's a laugh to tune in to these two just to see Judy's excruciating facial expressions when Richard puts his foot in it.ITV and Channel 4 should release a video of all his gaffes.
He makes Prince Phillip look intelligent.

And as for that fat, flabby arsed, tits like <libel snip Spleen! Ed.> cunt he's married to.
Granted she has more intelligence than Richard, (not hard admittedly) But her self righteous opinionated and nazi manner just hack me off big time.
Did you see her on the awards show (BAFTA or some crap) where her tits fell out of her dress taking out the first three rows of the audience. That should have been edited.
I know our censorship is pretty lax in general - but for pitys sake people were at their dinner.
She seems to hate men. We know why Judy.
You are a fat unattractive jealous old fuck.
No man apart from that <libel snip Spleen! Ed.> of a husband of yours would give you a nod in the desert even if they had two fucking heads.
Cunt.

Chris Evans

That ginger haired, self important, non humorous and arrogant waste of food, Christopher Evans. He's back on the radio...

As the BBC are one of the world's most respected broadcasters, it is hardly surprising that they pulled the plug on this materially weak, waffling baboon. He has employed a team of gimpish wannabees, who boost his sad ego in the same pathetic style as in his previous, now axed, excuse for broadcasting. They have to laugh at him/ with him (can't decide what they do) to maintain their contract of employment, and just act as punch bags for his stabs at observational humour. Stabs, that I feel are as blunt as Long John Silver's stump.

Evans, just give up this continuous tripe. You are not entertaining the thinking minds of this once respected country. You serve only to decline the impressionable into poor, empty whit and a shallow existence. Much alike the whole American ideal.

Piss Off!
Go somewhere where the collective brain cell count doesn't even match yours. Beverley Hills or Miami. I am sure you can fool these (not even) 1/2 whits for $1M or so.

You are not funny, and I deserve the food you eat the clothes you wear, and the job you do. Why? For one good reason. I don't depend on script writers for my success. It is all down to me, this mind. That's not a bunch of media spin doctors and manipulable puppets behind a rig of microphones.

With much passion and true belief,

Voted for by Darren Brown

Voted for by Jeremy Hayward

Voted for by Stuart Reid

Jamie Theakston

Oh, but how the ladies love him though! So witty, urbane and charming.
Really? All I`ll say here is that Ted Bundy was thought of as witty and charming by the college girls he slaughtered...

Draw your own conclusions folks!

Voted for by Allan G.

Chris Tarrant

Voted for by Banjo

Voted for by Edd Yell

The Beckams

[When she was in the Spice Girls she always looked like she had her period and was usually referred to as Crabby Spice or "On the Jamrag Spice".]

Voted for by Ex Devil

Let's get one thing clear, shall we? Vic cannot sing to save her life. She's the worst singer of all the Spice Girls - even tonedeaf and pig shit thick Geri has more talent. Vic loses just about every pop battle that she takes up. That whole rivalry thing (with catfaced Sophie Ellis Bextor) was beyond a joke. Vic takes herself way too seriously, which might be vaguely understandable if she had the slightest bit of talent.

I will never forget watching the sad cow on the Big Breakfast one morning. She was asked a question about David. In her reply, the mentally-challenged ratfaced fool referred to her husband as being "expressionate". I laughed for at least an hour.

Expressionate. For fuck's sake. Aren't Victoria's parents millionaires? Couldn't they afford to buy little Thicki a dictionary? As she is now a millionairess in her own right, alongside being married to a rich man, surely she could attempt to learn the basics of English. Their baby Brooklyn probably has a better command of the language.

Why the hell is she blaming Geri for her dietary problems? Is Vic such a weakwilled, pathetic, sad little sheep that she felt it necessary to copy Geri in every way? How about taking responsibility for her own behaviour, and finding support to help her sort her problems out? The silly bitch resembles a coat hanger.

I can see Thicki's next project - a book about how to change yourself from being a very pretty, voluptous, and desirable young woman, into a skeletal wreck. God save us all.

Anthea Turner

She's annoying - I don't need to justify this.
She's pathetic - "Oh poor me" - attitude pisses me right off.
She's a cash cow - that's written on her face.

Gazza has more class!
Anthea is a supreme Dirty Bitch and should not be allowed to breed!
Totally 100% Dull!

The Shipwrecked Bunch

Richard Blackwood

Davina McCall

nnrggh nnrghh maark maark maarkk!!! That's right, she sounds like a nasal dog with a hare lip marrk marrk marrk.
The woman is such a twat, talking through her nose. Prancing around like some fucking glamour model.
McCall you are a fucking fat arsed hag, your tits are like to bee stings on a pigeons chest and suprisingly enough nobody gives two shits where you met you obviously deaf, blind mute now husband. his dog sniffed your dogs arse did it? You forget to mention that his was a black Lab with a yellow jacket.
Don't try this at home?? Try what? Dressing up as a tart and prancing around patronising people with you awful canine nasal twang?
A shallow grave complete with lime and Sulphuric Acid await you lady, unless we could find a vet to put you down.

Big Brother 2 Contestants - All of Them!

If there are any TV executives reading this, then take note, as I've a sure fire ratings winner: Let the public vote for EXECUTION not eviction.

Patsy Kensit

This media whore/popstar cum-catcher should do a 'Paula Yates' and do us all a favour.

Reason 1. She was dumped by Liam 'Mong' Gallagher for a younger and better looking media whore/popstar cum-catcher. How embarressing is that?

Reason 2. No acting or singing talent of any worth.
Although her final scene in Lethal Weapon 2 was particularly memorable.
The image of her drowned naked body tied to a heavy weight keeps coming to my mind whenever I see her in the media.

I can dream can't I?

Denise Bulger/Fergus

Fuck her and everyone else on Merseyside baying for the blood of two 18 year olds.
And for that matter every media hack who makes a killing (no pun intended) whenever they put her face and the two killers on the front page spread.

Denise Bulger...die you ugly slag.

But I don't think my reaction, either immediately or after 8 years, would be to make a disingenuous, back-handed appeal for vigilantes to kill the killers, in an 'exclusive interview' hawked around the newspapers by an agent asking for £30,000.

My reaction would include unremitting guilt and shame for letting my child out of my sight, and maybe that is why Denise continues to be so vindictive.

No action required - just let her die of whatever she is already killing herself with.

Bubble from Big Brother

Prince William

Awfully sorry and all that old bean but you get on my wick rather, what, what?
You're a stupid, overly self conscious, rat faced, wax jacket wearing, thicko, aristo who got shit school grades has never touched a girl.

I must say, my rage against you is tempered by the pity I feel for the totally fucked and insane lifestyle you must lead, the fact that your bitch of a mother was so cruely snuffed and all that stuff about your groping father slipping it to that horse faced mongrel every spare second he gets.
But on the other hand you yourself are a lofty, aloof, streak of piss with no personality and no real friends, merely cock suckers and liggers: a pack of vultures who will abandon you the second you are caught snorting a line of coke in some Scottish nightclub.
If you had any balls at all you'd either be dead from a heroin overdose by now or would have shopped all your cokehead mates to your old man and they'd be in the Tower by now.

Will, mate, you have so much potential but all you do is trek off to Kenya, shoot a few ultra rare and protected Ibis's (allegedly) and go skiing for the rest of the year. Why don't you fucking do something interesting like call your old man a cunt in the national press - I for one would have alot more respect for you if you asserted yourself once in a while, but no, you continue to be pictured, smiling and happy with the dirty old bastard even though you know very well that at about 11pm he'll be stuffing <woahhh! libel alert!> up your <woahhh! libel alert!> and <woahhh! libel alert!> your <woahhh! libel alert!> against the wall.

Wills, get a fucking, fucking, fucking life.

So, what did William find so funny? Well, he was attempting to cook something on the stove. That's all he was doing, and by golly was a hilarious experience for him. The rat-faced virgin had never used a frying pan before and the simple act of cooking was such a foreign experience to him that it made him guffaw like the air-headed over-privileged toff that he is.

But the truth is, he does have a lot in common with his dead mother: he's a pampered, stupid, gormless twat with a complete inability to identify with anything remotely normal.
Lets hope, that just like his shit-cunt mother, he ends up in a shallow grave in the bowels of hell.

Andi Peters

Brian

Meg Matthews

Meg is a ligger, a lagger and a blagger. She never has anything of interest to say (that I've heard, anyway), she's not particularly attractive - in fact, she makes Patsy Henshit seem almost tolerable. And that's saying something.
Her only redeeming grace is that she refuses to live off Noel's money without earning her own.

Meg - you came from nowhere. Please, do us all a favour and go back there. Slut.

The Betts

Gail Porter

PS. And lest we should forget how bad it can get, she's actually started breeding with the guitarist from those arch knobshiners Toploader. You just couldn't make it up, could you.

Talk about a missed opportunity. Several hundred Z list 'celebs', pushy stage mums, Essex white trash and no-one had the sense to order an air strike.

Actually I'd like to nominate the commisioning editor at Sky One for funding this HOUR long, yes HOUR long 'celeb' backslappawankathon for his or her selfless contribution the pollution of our collective IQ, this hour long celebration of mediocrity with HEAT culture, n live action for your viewing 'pleasure' at prime time.

I find her just SO fucking annoying. From her fucking snout, to her screeching fucking voice, to her complete idiotic brainlessness (she's even worse than Helen from the previous series), to her vapid, media-worship OK!-magazine make-as-much-money-by-whoring-yourself mentality and sense of inflated self-importance, it's like she was put here especially to annoy the fuck out of me.

However, it's not just Jade that's the problem, though she is particularly annoying. In the end, pretty much every reality TV contestant turns into a Z-list media whore wannabe, destined for the gossip pages of some shitty tabloid. Why do valueless, brainless, talentless, pointless nobodies like Jade feel the need to inflict themselves upon us, day after day after day?
Why do the networks insist on bombarding us with mind-rotting soul-destroying shit like Big Brother, Popstars, The Salon, I'm a Cunt Get Me Out Of Here etc etc, unleashing yet more media-whoring suckers-of-Satan's-cock upon the airwaves? Why do so many people watch this shit? WHY, GOD, WHY????

I hear she's pregnant. One can only guess as to what the father looks like.

Many people would give their right arm to be famous, well this little mistress would not only do that but sell her grandmothers teeth on ebay while she was still using them and sell everyone she ever knew down the river just to appear on tv.

Her illustrious carrer started reviewing third rate porn on doomed cable television channel L!ve TV, under the name of Emily Bouffante. After the only quasi attractive girl on channel 4 videogame show Bits left, Miss Booth now under her real name pegged it up to Scotland to get on tv as quick as she could.

Since then she has jumped from shoddy production to shoddy production in a vain attempt to keep her visage on our screens, whether its piss poor shows from channel 5 such as demolition or Out There, to cable tv fodder with nerds and paintball guns even down to god awful cradle of fear films.

This woman knows no bounds as a media whore, she would sell her soul and probably already has, just to keep in the publics eye, expect her to appear in Razzle in the near future