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| A friend
of mine who was a waitress at the time asked this DICK who he
was. His PR replied "Richard is the most important man in Yorkshire" I've hated this celebrity bastard since childhood and that story confirmed my suspicions. For anyone who doesn't know, Richard is the compere for Countdown, and if a smugger more slimy case of galloping cock rot ever walked the earth, then will he please step forward. A ferret bit him on regional telly years ago. It went for his bollocks at first but there was no microscope handy so it bit his fingers. |
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| "Looks
like this dog is eating out of a bowl and ther is a cat standing
nearby," he says. Cue rupturous laughter. Excuse me? Has the clip been shown yet? What do the bloody Americans find so funny about this sad little man? Have you noticed his eyes? Of course not, you will have been entranced by his scarily and abnormally wide mouth (he has this because he is the result of drunken incest). Well, take a look at his eyes. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! FUCKING HELL! They stare right down the camera and piece into you, saying "Laugh, laugh, my pretties." Hello? We would if you were funny. Shiteface. |
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| I could
say its because she comes from Liverpool and has an appalling
and annoying accent, which admittedly is one reason. But then that would devalue all of the talented and witty actors and actresses that have emerged from Liverpool (mainly Tom Baker and Paul McGann). But there is something very annoying and irritating about Ms McVey, fortunately she is no longer a part of GMTV, as the remarkably good Fiona Phillips has returned from maternity leave (and believe me I never thought I would be so glad to see her!). However knowing the fickle world of TV, I'm sure Ms McVey will again pop up, with her incessant cheerfulness and the inane "Hey Ho" that she tried and failed miserably to make a catchphrase, and the total lack of sensitivity she showed when dealing with the more serious issues that this admittedly lightweight programme covers, one can only be grateful she was not around to cover the recent tragic rail crash at Paddington. Therefore I believe that it is only fitting to bury this televisual shallow woman in a very shallow grave. |
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Scraggy old whore with all the sexual appeal of a dried up lemon - only appeals to toothless old codgers who dribble over their cereal whilst watching countdown. Claims husband left her because
he couldn't cope with her new raunchy image - get a life Vorders!
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| A lot of
reasons for nomination - but the latest are those bloody benecol
adverts. 1. It's extremely expensive for a cholestrol 'cure' (don't forget you need to follow a healthy diet as well as use this product - ermm, wonder which has the most effect?!) 2. That bit at the end when Carol says it's proved to reduce cholestrol - and then does a lovely little sign language type gesture with her hand to show exactly what she means by 'reduce'. Why?!?!?!?! Arghhhhhh! |
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| Ever
since blessing our screens on the first ever programme to be
aired on the now illustrious Channel4, this once diva and mathematical
achiever has surely done enough media-whoring to deserve consideration
for painful execution.
As her hairstyles(?!) and arse proportions fluctuate between the insane and the intangible, she continues to bleed into our consciousness via any form of television based toss available; gameshows, adverts, surprise sur-fucking-prise stylee shows where people get to meet relatives they had long hoped were dead and buried whilst concurrently harbouring hapless hopes of these strangers having scrimped and saved over their many years in far-flung parts to produce a surprise sur-fucking-prise inheritance sufficient to send the whole family and "real" friends around the world flash-packing in the grandest of hotels across this beautiful-in-parts world of ours, local news, national news, no-news-at-all just a contrived documentary to convince you that your life ain't as bad as those inbred excuses for shaved-monkeys no-hope poor-white trash tv-head trogladites who grace our screens as part of the ever-growing genre of real-life tv... sorry, I digress. Carol - do the decent thing - go back to teaching maths and at least let your audience have the opportunity to throw things at you which may cause personal physical harm rather than just spoiling the screen of their televisions with rotten veg and butt-ends. When you get home - cut the skin from your finger tips, John Doe style, and tuck into some salt 'n' vinegar chipsticks to remind your self of the relatively-non-life threatening-though-terribly-acute-whincing-pain we all suffer during your incessant appearances on tabloid TV. Finally - a conundrum for you - METVWHOER - do-do do-do do-do-do-do BLAM! |
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| No
matter how much Carol Vorderman tries to dress herself up as
an 'intelligent sexy chick' we still all know that she does
it once a month, missionary style with the lights off. A method taken on by scorned women through the ages, dolling yourself up like a 21 year old just because you have split up with your husband, does not mean that your husband is thinking 'cor look what I'm missing there!' He's probably thinking the same as the rest of us...if the dozy bint is so clever, why can't she work out that a size 16 body DOES NOT fit into a size 10 dress? |
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"Oh, my life's so shit, Brian Harvey beat me up, I've got half a nose, I want to die..." STOP harping on about it in the
papers and getting more money to shove coke up you mono-nostril. |
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| Don't
feel sorry for her because her breast implant exploded; her
septum fell off etc. They just give the idiot an excuse to grace the tabloids. |
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| I'm
aware that there's been a profound change in the public profile
of this midget fucking gak whore but I'm screaming for a fatwa
regardless. Crying like a bitch because she misses her family seems to be the public's perception, rather then being a spolit recovery bitch so dependent to her twelve step programme she's unable to wipe her arse without 'asking the permission of a higher power'. The higher power is saying "KILL YOURSELF" 'ho. When she consented to go under the titty doctors knife, she should have asked him to do some extensive work on her boat race at the same time. Step One:
We irriate the general public. |
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She is the most evil thing I
have ever witnessed, she is a condescending pixel bitch from
hell. |
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She's no lady.
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I really really liked the Vannessa
show. |
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| Fair
enough, I'll hand it to her she has lost ALOT of weight. But
she's still fat. Not enormously so, but Idon't think that slimming from a size 80 to a size 18 qualifies being thin. She flouts herself as though she were Kylie Minogue, but in reality she is a fuck-ugly hippo. I don't have anything against fat people, but fat ugly people who expose their flab is another. Stop kidding yourself Vanessa, even if you were a size 6, you'd still be butt ugly. Also, just for the record, why does everyone refer to Kate Winslet as the 'larger lady' when there are real life warthogs like Vanessa and Anne Diamond around? |
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Grrrrraaaahahhhahggghgghr!!!!......
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Fuckin' hell. |
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| Now
how the fuck did this fat, useless oxygen thief manage to get
herself on the telly? What the fuck did she ever do to deserve it? She can't have slept with the producer because she would have crushed the poor bastard flat, so it remains a mystery. I just can't seem to work out why she is famous. All she has ever done is to be in Emmerdale Farm (which is shite) and present You've Been Framed (which is shite), so it's no clearer to me. It bothers me that she is, though. When I turn on the TV, I want to see young, attractive, sexually alluring women, not this lump of fat who's heavy enough to create her own weather. For Christ's sake, sort yourself out, woman. I recently saw her complaining in a newspaper that she is having trouble finding a partner and she can't understand why. LOOK IN THE FUCKING MIRROR, LOVE, THAT'S WHY NO-ONE IS INTERESTED IN YOU! I'd send her to her shallow grave myself, but I don't think that I could manage to dig the bastard. A fucking quarry might just about do it, though. God, the bitch even makes Jeremy Beadle look competent, for fucks sake. |
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Hummmm, what can be said about
poor Ben??
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While Blockbusters was never
a program you would hurry home for, watching it has become
more painful than having a circumcision by paper-cut. Why?
Lisa Dickhead Tarbuck!
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These two boy next door type
working class heroes. I don't have to watch this shit,
I know. The method of despatch I would
choose would be quite subtle really. |
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How much do these arseholes get
paid? |
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| What
exactly do they do? They presented a kids show for a couple years and then did 2 reality TV Shows - Pop Idol - which would have been huge never mind who presented it and SCRIPTED the presenters words and I'm a celeb - which also would have been huge regardless of presenters due to the celebrities! And Slap Bang and Liekly Lads - FLOPS!!! and SLATED!!! And Bottom, Big Brother and Jimmy Saville should sue for that Saturday Night Takeaway shite because of the similarities! Absolute crap. |
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| Ant
and Dec should of both been shot at birth. They have a joint IQ of 4! They are <libel snip Spleen! Ed.> by there Managers 24/7. The Muppets at least can Act compared to there inability to do anything. Joey Deacon was more of a Man than the two of them together! Ant and Dec represent "Bazza Nation",the filth in society , the skum , and the incestious White Trash in South London who I have to deal with on a Daily Basis. They've properly been <libel snip Spleen! Ed.> by Elton John and had the worst single of the 90's..... They need to be silenced in some form or a DNA experiment could help them in some way with their retarded looks! |
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Welcome to that forgotten corner
of Journalism of the Lincolnshire Echo, the Gossiper. |
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I once saw Mizz Fuckwitt in a
bank and a few years ago in Maida vale and I thought I'd be
nice and give her a nod, to which it retorted with a sneer
of disgust on her heavily over made up face. |
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This cunt is really beginning
to annoy me. |
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| I know
he has been nominated before now but following the launch of
the new halifax advert, the deep resentment building up inside
me has to be let out somewhere. Have you seen the new advert??? That stupid grinning ponce humping a giant seagull by singing a spoof of 'angel' that song that Shaggy ripped off. The other adverts I could bear but this crosses the line. Even worse is his less-than-pitiful attempt at rapping. I have never heard/seen a bigger wanker in my life. My sisters, friends, mother actually had a nightmare about him!!! Not suprising really. That great big ugly grinning cunt sure as hell scares me!!! |
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| Howard,
eh? I think I'll be able to direct my anger more effectively now I know his name. For a start, why the fuck do his glasses look like Hubble lens off-cuts? I mean, are his eyes naturally that small??? To be honest, it wouldn't be surprising of the ugly little gnome. To make matters worse, I have to be subjected to constant terror every time I venture to the bank when I suddenly see him standing there, only to realise it's a life-size cardboard cut-out of the freakish fuck-face. It's a shame the advert doesn't rewind to the point where he gyrates his weedy little arse back to the shit-hole he came from. |
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Voted
for by Wonder Weasle
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| I think
someone in PR has been smoking way too much pot. I really would
have liked to be in the meeting where they decided it was a
good idea to follow up the last Halifax advert with the new
one where Howard rides that giant swan. Someone please tell
me WHY??
I really cannot believe that he really exists. I'm sure its just a cruel joke played on us all and he is in a fact an out of work actor with is so desperate to pay the mortgage that he has decided to degrade himself to the level of playing a short sighted singing bank clerk. I don't wish to point fun at Howards obvious sight disability, thats too easy, but I think he asks for it! I mean, I've seen people with thick glasses before, but his are taking the piss! I was talking to a friend of mine who came up with the best method of taking out Howard and to stop him from terrorising this country, not to mention disturbing the swan population of England, with his singing and his insane drug induced swan riding. The best way to get rid of him, is to feed that bloody swan with bicarbonate of soda and watch the thing explode. The look on his face as he plummets to his death should make it all worth while! If not for me, then do it for the swans! |
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| Just Because.
O.K? Method of termination: 12 Bore shotgun (Frachetti SPAS 15, Anyone!) 1)Place gagged Howard in bucket of medievial type catapult 2)Fire Catapult, after saying "Pull !" 3)Blast away !!!!!!! Basically, it's human clay pigeon shooting !!!!! |
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| I
agree that this myopic swan-bothering homunculus is annoying
beyond belief, to the point of inflicting self-harm every
time his fatuous grin appears on tv. But he's the symptom not the disease: Howard's just another example of the soul-witheringly inane drivel those sneering shitweasels in advertising think they can spoon-feed the British public with impunity. Fortunately as this site demonstrates, there is a cell of resistance among the so-called bovine masses - some of us just won't put up with this insidious toss. Howard's just an instrument of a greater evil. But we should still flog the karaoke-peddling fucker until he drops. |
| This
jovial knob-head makes his third appearance so far. This time
he's almost getting some hot-counter action, but is singing
something shitty. I had to go into a Halifax to be faced by a lifesize cut-out of this piss riddler. Let's hope hes got no kids, the shame. Kick this rotund, bespecticled, twat off!! |
| He
wasn't funny when he appeared in his first Halifax Ad tripping
blindly through the daisies singing 'Sex Bomb' and he was
consistent in an irritating sort of way when he was flapping
about the world on the back of a giant goose. Now, duetting with someone who really should have known better, appositely enough with 'Something Stupid', accompanied by a troupe of banjo-playing monkeys, Howard really has gone too far. Maybe the award will let him know once and for all that this is way beyond the joke that wasn't amusing to begin with. We're not laughing with you, Howard. Actually, we're not laughing at all. |
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Amanda Holden and Les Dennis and while were at it Neil fucking Morrisey |
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Les Dennis is such a sad arsewipe,
publicly whining and winoing when the Anthea
Turner prototype slut left him, and Neil Morrisey for
supposedly injecting his genetic material into her thus threatening
an increase in the WASTED WANK population of the world by
at least 000000.1cos.8768. |
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| The reason
is plain and simple, like Jamie "<libelsnip>sucker"
Theakston and Andi "mmmm Gary Barlow" Peters, he is
annoying twat. He calls himself an impressionist! An impressionist? The only fucking impression he does (and its uncannily crap) is that old bird from Coronation Street (is it Mavis or something, I really don't know, because lets face it, its a gobshite program). Ooooh, I don't really know..... FUCK OFF you talentless gimp, I don't really know whether you should have been still born (wait a minute, of course I do). How the fuck did you get Amanda Holden? Okay she's been round the block a few times, but come on lads, you would wouldn't you? Well I would, and that's what matters. She must have been fucking desperate, or felt sorry for you. So Amanda, if you're reading this (you never know, she may be looking on the for pics of Neil Morrisey's dick to remind her of the old days) dump the little twat and get yer arse round my gaff, and I'll treat you to a little Family Fortune of my own. Les Dennis, you are the weakest link, fuck off and die a horrible slow death. |
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| Please,
Amanda. Dump him. What do you see in him, girl? You've used him to get where you are and now it's time to dump him for someone younger and better looking model. It won't come as a surprise that's for sure. Les fucking Dennis. Neil fucking Morissey. Are you blind? Well, as the saying goes: "There is no such thing as bad publicity" |
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| PATHETIC.
That word was invented for that man. What a weasel and if he ever thought that BUTT UGLY Amanda Holden was ever in the marriage for anything other than giving her wanky 'career' a much needed boost, he's a bigger twat than we all thought. When he was on 'Celebrity' ( ha, what a contradiction) Big Brother, he made the whole nation feel sick. He is such a pathetic excuse of a man, he probably <libel snip Spleen! Ed.> in 2 seconds flat and he looks like he <libel snip Spleen! Ed.>. In fact, I can't think of three people I'd like a menage a quatre with less than Lesbo, Mandy and Neil 'looks like a 70's childrens presenter' Morrisey |
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Baker is a fat, unfunny, pseudo-neo-rebel
cunt with a face like a wildebeast's back passage and hairstyle
like a bad 70's porn star. |
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If there's anybody in this world
who needs torturing in a way that only the Chinese would be
capable of doing justice to, it's the acne-ridden, buck-toothed,
big-nosed, greasy-haired excuse of a human being that calls
itself Dean Gaffney, the eejit who plays Robbie in EastEnders. |
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How the fuck has that fat mick
bastard and offspring of satan and a potato, the disenchanted
housewives favourite, Eamon Holmes escaped from a nomination?
Every morning you see his fat
smug face on the box and I just want to beat him unconscious
with a brick. |
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Only in a country where Maureen
from 'The Driving School' is a 'personality', could this tedious,
badly bearded, whiney voiced arse not be the biggest cunt
on television. Would it be too ironic for him
too be sucked out whilst flushing an aircraft toilet at 30,000
ft? |
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Voted
for by Tim
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| The other
week, I said to my mate, "Do you know who's a right cunt?"
and straight away he said, "Jeremy Spake". Words cannot express how much I despise this fat, talentless, <libel snip SpleeN! Ed.>cunt. He typifies just why the Beeb is so shit. Just because he minces up and down an aeroplane gangway pissing everybody off, the cunts give him his own show! This is what the Beeb say about the porky little pillow-biter: "Experience the stresses and strains of life at Heathrow - one of the world's busiest airports. Airport brings real-life characters to the small screen, including Jeremy Spake, the Aeroflot supervisor with a jumbo-jet sized personality." Jumbo-jet sized chocolate starfish, more like. Fucking cunt. To see Jeremy get his comeuppance, see: http://hometown.aol.com/jarvina/diejeremy.htm And please, BBC bosses, don't for fuck's sake let him near any <libel snip SpleeN! Ed.>. Thankyou. |
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| Has
anyone noticed this pointless waste of fat cells cropping up
on television lately advertising fridge freezers? He has toned down his campness a little and now has blonde streaks in his hair & beard. KILL HIM NOW!!no excuse, no remorse just snuff the cunt! |
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This woman has become famous
for...for...for, oh that's right, ABSOLUTELY FREAKIN' NOTHING!!
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| Dear God,
I can't believe this talentless, numb-cunted slapper has only
had one nomination so far! Now, I can understand the gap in the market for a stick-thin, thick-as-shit Mockney slag with hugely bloated tits/lips/labia attachments- something for the closet gays to pretend they fancy, I suppose, but something about Jordan really gets me. You only have to see her in interview to see why- she's like a robot with her vacant, staring, eyeliner-smothered eyes, and her constant, droning, monotone voice. She's had the works surgery wise, and still looks like the love child of Soo from Sooty and Sweep and Chewbacca- on top of this she insists that she is the cream of the "glamma modurl" world, and can't conduct a decent converation for five miniutes without mentioning those much-more-famous-than-she-is implants. She also sounds like a helium-filled Sean Connery trying to speak like Dick Van Dyke. This cut-and-paste media whore deserves to be locked in a room with Geri Halliwell and the cast of Eden until her implants fester and poison her to death. Then, I'd reincarnate her and being the prcoess all over again! (What an idea for Britain's new national pastime...) I can't wait to see her when she's eight months gone. Her torso's going to look like the symbol for the fucking Disney Channel. |
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| The
vacant former Katie Price is less intelligent than the contents
of a compost heap, Let's look at the evidence. I have developed an 11 point case. 1. She let the readership of The Sun decide whether she should have a boob job. 2. Said act was carried out at a time when The Sun's editorial policy was to ban surgically enhanced models from page 3, therefore putting herself out of a job. 3. She then moved over to David Sullivan's Sprot titles. 4. More pointles surgery, on other appendages. 5. Deciding to become a spunk bucket for any passing male celebrity or Premier League footballer. 6. Ligging at any gathering likely to allow a bit of media exposure, in the belief that we care about whose cock she was sucking last night. 7. Getting pregnant by Dwight Yorke (another candidate for a very shallow grave and the removal of any identifying marks like hands and teeth). 8. Selling access via webcam to the birth of her baby. 9. Continuing to Lig and drink heavily well into the third trimester of pregnancy resulting in <snip for libel - apparently her caning it has had no effect on her mutant offspring as reported in an exclusive interview in that shite rag Heat>. 10. Selling a "My baby pain" exclusives to any and every newspaper or shite celebrity gossip rag, whinging about the poor bastards condition when she was the obvious cause. If she hasn't died of aids or liver failure by the time the boy is 16 I hope he sues her. 11. Just look at that face. |
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| I'm
sick of everybody doling out their symapathy for this useless
cunt.
'Oh, she's
a single parent'. 'She has a rare form of cancer'Fair enough. But so do millions the world over. Get over it. She did. 'Her baby
was born blind' 'She's
in OK!' No. She's
an attention-seeking slag with no dignity or self-respect.
Not content with flashing her tits and crotch at every opportunity,
she has to divulge all about her toyboy, Dwight, Posh, Dane
et all. Is there anything these greedy slag wouldn't do for
money? Hang on, she's already used her blind kid to secure
her a few bob. |
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| Do u really need a reason! Look at her! | |
| Bitch
trogg cunt from hell! Minging, comedy-breasted, butt-ugly, thick as piss. I've seen more attractive things smeared round the inside of a toilet u-bend!I doubt I would ever tire of hitting her in the face with a shovel! I reckon her kid ain't actually blind - it just opened its eyes for the first time - saw the bint holding out a dribbling beach ball of a tit for it to suck on - and decided there and then never to try vision again! |
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I hate this man. |
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